Falling Sky

Mid-Year Report

Here we are, toppling obliviously into the second half of 2008 - dear god, Christmas is just around the corner! - but it's barely noticed in the week-to-week routine of work and not-work. Ah well, just a few decades 'til retirement. Anyway, when I'm not grafting away thanklessly for the good of the Scottish nation, what have I been up to lately? Summery summary time!

If you've not swanned by my online shop lately, do have a gander - there's now 31 pieces up, the above being the two most recent. I've decided to go back to life drawing sessions at the weekend again having given up last year - while I may still have to deal with mercenary voices in my head the moment I start a sketch like the above, at least I'll be producing fresh new artwork again on a weekly basis. As things currently stand, without the discipline of being out of the house and in a studio with dedicated time devoted solely to artwork, I just can't seem to focus on regularly working on drawings or paintings in the evenings or weekend. So, come September, it's back to Leith and expect to see a lot more artwork cropping on my Flickr stream again, rather than monthly occurrences of seascapes and garlic.

Also, over at the wedding site, I've written a great big post wibbling on about what I might wear at the wedding, being the groom an' all. Worth a read if you a) have built up an immunity to the paragraphs of prattle that plague these pages and b) have the slightest interest in what I might be wearing come the 23rd of May (hint: not a kilt).

Not entirely unconnected to the above, may I sing the praises of Doctor Who? Of course I bally well may! The latest series has just come to an end and personally I think it's the strongest one yet, pretty much the best piece of fictional British television being broadcast, practically bursting with enthusiasm, imagination and an ambition that all too often would be sneered down. The last few months have seen some absolutely remarkable stories and sights, an oasis of creativity in the ever-growing desert of tedium that makes up primetime television. The stories have been varied and compulsive - I didn't think the one-two punch of last series' Human Nature/Family of Blood and Blink could ever be matched, never mind topped, but with Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead and Midnight it bloody well happened! The acting has been even stronger than before, with David Tennant so completely suited to the role now that the possibility of him leaving at the end of the penultimate episode was genuinely startling, while Catherine Tate trumped all us nay-sayers who only knew her from that overplayed "am I bovvered?" Her character was initially annoying in Runaway Bride (in hindsight, deliberately so) but over the course of this series she'd blossomed into a fascinating, rich and thankfully-not-lovelorn companion thanks to some superb acting. Julian Bleach's Davros rocked my world over the last two episode with his Hitleresque monologues of rage. And big up the Bernard Cribbins - his scene with the Doctor at the end of the final episode was sombre and genuinely moving. Wonderful, wonderful stuff. I'm looking forward to the Christmas special immensely (the fact that it'll star Dervla Kirwan certainly doesn't hurt...) but next year's BBC1 schedule is going to seem awfully barren. Wildlife aside, will there be anything to watch?

What else? The baking continued apace at the weekend with apple scones (now sussed out the best way to add the cinnamon, very nice too), another loaf (after this, there's really no chance of ever going back to supermarket shelf bread) and trying something new with handmade puff-pastry. The latter took hours to prepare, most of that time spent in the fridge or being 'turned' - tasted good, a sweeter, fresher taste than the shop-bought stuff, but the sheer time it required means I won't make a habit of that. Still, good to keep trying new recipes as I edge closer and closer to the fabled Nagl bagel...

Meanwhile, there's a big old post brewing regarding kids books, both the ones that the missus-to-be got me for our anniversary and certain... plans that may yet come to something, but that's definitely for another time. It's requiring a fair bit of research into something I know next to zero about, so that'll be my excuse for light posting over the next few weeks, but you never know. We're a couple of months into using the Wii Fit and having a grand time with it, so that'll get a write-up of it's own eventually, but in the meantime I've been rather smitten with the WiiWare game LostWinds - there's a suitably comprehensive review from Ryan, but here's a lovely video trailer for it, complete with the gorgeous music and lush visuals that make it a pleasure to play and to watch. Certainly looks a lot more summery than Edinburgh in July.

It Must Be Clove

Garlic Clove, 2008, originally uploaded by Falling Sky.

Drawn and painted a couple of weeks back. I really should do more of this sort of thing...

If I Were A Trawlerman...

Back from Orkney. Nyerhe!

Actually we got back late on Saturday, but after more than a week away from the internet (which has to be some kind of record for an obsessive geek like me) I've not been in much of a rush to get back to gazing at computer screens. It was an absolutely wonderful just-over-a-week away from the health and work hassles that have snowballed over the last few months and did the Burd and I a world, nay, a veritable solar-system of good. Being the efficient one of this couple, she's already got a good wodge of photos up on her Flickr page, whereas I've only plonked up some pastel drawings I did thus far. I'm quite proud of the one above and further below, but wish I'd produced a hell of a lot more while there.

My lungs were blown clean with mighty gusts of fresh sea air as we sailed across to Stromness, as perfect a prescription for recovering from that nasty business as any steroid out there. It was astonishingly invigorating to hang my head over the side of the ferry as it charged through a misty sea, cold air of the freshest kind hurtling down my throat into those mucky old air sacs, slapping them into action and blowing free all those cobwebs of goo. The air on Orkney was just as pleasing, practically free of traffic fumes, a refreshing tang of seaweed and surf tangible in the deepest breaths. By comparison, walking down Dalry Road feels like a trudge through a giant tunnel of exhaust fumes, airborne filth and shit-strewn pavements.

I wasn't half as productive artistically as last time (that sketchbook remains one of the best things I've ever done), but I had a whole lot more relaxing to do. It took days to shake off thoughts from work, to truly calm down, and the whole holiday felt more like a recovery of sorts, though without the drama that might imply. Even drawing brought a pressure of sorts, my silly brain building up the importance of whatever artwork I produced to being at least equal to the output from last time. Inevitably, when I finally did start a sketch (the exterior of Kirkwall cathedral) it turned out dreadfully, so much so that I'm not going to waste your time or valuable internet space with a scan of it. Awful, quite quite awful. It was only when I'd chilled-the-feck-out a few days later that I could sit back on the waterfront and draw the pastel pieces shown above, plus this and a non-Burd bird.

The primary aim of the holiday - to procure a particular sparkly ring for the missus-to-be's dainty finger - was temporarily scuppered as they didn't have it in a size that fitted her peedie digits. Not to worry though, it'll be sent out and should reach us sometime in the next month or two. Naturally, you'll be the first to see it, but having seen her try it on at the OIa Gorie store in Kirkwall I know it'll look sodding marvelous on her. As will the wedding ring when the time comes (one year on Friday, mark yer calendars...) since we both tried our respective wedding bands from the same jeweller. I couldn't quite compute the sight of a wedding ring on my scrawny, alien-facehugger-leg-like fingers, but the runes on it gave it a One Ring look, so that pleased me (and will no doubt lead to me lurching around the wedding reception cackling about my preshhussss and pretending to be invisible).

Much quality eating was had - there's few steaks to compare with a good juicy Orcadian cow - and wares from the island's two breweries were quaffed by yours truly in a noble attempt to boost the local economy. For a week life was so much simpler, quieter, gentler and downright better, and I'll now happily add Orkney to Jonny Nagl's Laminated List of Potential Places to Settle Down Proper In The Next Decade (currently Isle of Skye in big bold letters and Norway or Sweden if I could get the hang of the lingo). The self-catering made it less like a holiday per se and more like a different reality, albeit one where we weren't doing anything to earn a living, not particularly sustainable I'll grant you. I felt very aware of how useless the skills and experience I've amassed in my thirty-one years of existence would be for living on such an island, as with Skye, and daydreamed wistfully about changing my name to Olaf and going out on trawlers. Of course, the reality of this would almost certainly be beyond ghastly, but doesn't Olaf Nagl sound good? Almost as good as Nagl's Bagels, but that's for another post...

Anyway, it gave the Lass and I plenty to think/ponder/daydream about and, more importantly, chilled us down good and proper. Sadly, it made coming back to Edinburgh really rather depressing and if it wasn't for The Green being such a lovely area (oh, the pink blossom!) I'd have gone into a massive hump. Now we're back into the usual routine, wistfully looking back to memories of last week while trudging through the daily grind, but still the better for it. I'll holler once the snaps are all up on Flickr as they'll contain oodles of fascinating details about what to do up there, then start figuring out what the deuce to write about between now and sauntering off to Skye in September. There must be something...

To Hell With Etsy

I've had a shop on Etsy for well over one & a half years now. During this time I sold 18 pieces of artwork and Etsy cheerfully took my money for the fees and commissions. I've had more than a few misgivings, and I've slowly been spreading my artwork to another online store in the hope of reaching a more European market, but still listing new work at Etsy when produced. Then last night I receive the following email, telling me... er, what exactly?

Hello,

I wanted to pass on some information to you about mature listings. Here is what our Dos and Don'ts have to say about items that may need special attention due to their content:

*Mature content is: sexual activity or content, profane language, or graphic violence as shown in an item. *These items must be tagged "mature".

*The first thumbnail image should be kept appropriate for general audiences; additional images in the listing may show the item in its entirety.

*Mature content listings will remain in all public searches by default; users can restrict results by using the exclusionary search term "NOT mature" ("opt-out" search status).

*Artful representation of the nude human figure is allowed. The context of the nudity determines if it is a mature content item (see above).

*Items are subject to staff review on a case-by-case basis. If the staff evaluates the content to be mature, you will be asked to add the tag "mature" or remove the listing entirely. Please be sure to comply with these policies! If you have any questions, feel free to contact support [!at] etsy.com

For more information about our guidelines, please read the Dos and Don'ts of Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/dosdonts.php#a4

Best,

Amber

Etsy Support

I read this over a couple of times just to be sure I wasn't missing something. Was I being asked or told to do something? I was perfectly aware of the (patronisingly titled) Dos and Don'ts of Etsy since they were first issued after their dreadful Constitution and had figured that, as my nude artwork clearly did not contain sexual content - well, no more so than the plaque on Pioneer - I clearly didn't have to do a thing. Nothing had been said since, and nothing in the above email seemed to relate to any of the artwork I was selling. Considering I haven't produced any new nude artwork for months, it couldn't have been prompted by a new piece, so what on earth was it for? Suitably perplexed, I reply:

Hello,

Why have I just received this email?
Thanks,

Jon Nagl

Ten minutes later, back comes...

Hi Jon,

Thanks for getting back to us so promptly. Please add the 'mature' tag to to nudes that you feature in your shop. Also, Etsy does not allow URLs that direct to other e-commerce sites, so we ask you to remove all links that link to outside e-commerce sites from your shop. Let us know when this is completed, so that we can give your shop the 'OK'. Thanks so much.

Best,

Amber

Etsy Support

The latter point first - I'd put a link to my Dawanda site in my profile where I was selling artwork on Etsy. It had been up there for a few months, but if they asked me to remove it, fair enough, that's understandable.

But... a mature tag? Let's just remind ourselves what that represents:

sexual activity or content, profane language, or graphic violence as shown in an item [....] Artful representation of the nude human figure is allowed. The context of the nudity determines if it is a mature content item (see above).

In other words, my life drawing artwork, unbeknownst to me, contains sexual activity and/or content. And if I added a mature tag to every nude piece I had on sale, I would be admitting as such. Friends, there is NO FUCKING WAY. And here's why.

One doesn't get to keep a lot of principles in this sordid world that wears you down with debt and depression, but if nothing else I have always stayed true to my artwork. That sounds like a terribly pretentious thing to write, but it's true - I never got into animating for advertisements (pretty much the only way a non-CGIer like myself could've progressed after four years of hand-drawn animation study) because I despised the thought of my artwork being used to sell expensive shit to children too young to understand cost, debt or having enough to make it through the month. Working minimum wage wasn't much fun, but at least I could look at myself in the mirror. What I do now for a living has absolutely no connection with the five years I spent at art college - all that I have from those times is a worn-down videotape of a short animated film and the ability to draw and paint, so it's something I'm pretty precious about, pulling out of life drawing last year when I felt I was getting too price-fixated about my pictures. My day job isn't a part of me, it's just something I do, but artwork - that's personal. Whenever I've sold a piece of work it's a thrill, not for the money (though, y'know, that doesn't hurt) but for the validation, the thought that someone felt that something I'd done was worth putting on their wall or giving to someone as a gift. What could be more of a compliment than to be paid for a piece of artwork, that money representing hours spent by that person in their own day-job? It's a hell of a feeling, assuring me that those five years weren't wasted, not in the least, and that while the work I do to pay the bills could be done by anyone with a modicum of sense and legal study, the work I've put into a painting is unique, the result - for better or worse - all mine. In other words, I give a damn about my artwork. It's not like selling supplies (which seems to be the be all and end all of Etsy these days), it's not like selling print after print of the same picture - these unique pieces matter to me, and are far more than just a commodity.

I'm trying to explain to you why this would be such a big deal to me, what that simple request represents, why my reaction is of fury and indignation. How dare they? How dare they insinuate that my drawings, my paintings are nothing but cheap titillation? That the years spent learning how to accurately depict the human body on paper or canvas was done with no higher purpose than giving someone an erection? And that most puritanically fucked-up and damaging concept of all that I've always railed against when it came to life drawing, that nudity = sex?

No. I will not accept that my artwork is 'adults-only'. I will not accept that a painting of a groin (of either gender) is pornography. I will not agree to this demented mindset that views the naked human body as something to be ashamed of. Adding one simple little 'tag' to my nude artwork would have only taken a few seconds, but it would represent an acceptance of such puritanical thinking. I responded:

Thank you for the prompt response.

The request to remove the link to outside sites is fair enough and I would have been happy to comply. However, I find the suggestion that my artwork requires tagging as 'mature' genuinely offensive considering all the artwork is expressively non-sexual and no more explicit than that seen in unrestricted public galleries. I shall therefore close my Etsy store forthwith.

Jon Nagl

Within minutes I had shut down my entire Etsy shop. It means I haven't got my money's worth from the listing fees I paid for the items that were currently on sale, but fuck it. The silver lining is that it'll now give me the impetus to list all my artwork on my Dawanda shop, rather than the selection that's currently there. In the long term, this may well end up being financially better too - with the US$ staggering around the currency markets like a doped kitten, the Euro looms nicely over UK£ right now, which is good news for anyone wanting to export to the Eurozone. Dawanda, unlike the American-hipster-centric Etsy, is very much a European site, complete with French and German language versions, so I should be reaching a new, closer audience with an exchange rate that actually benefits a UK seller. Pricing up in US$, by contrast, has been a depressing experience and one I'll be glad to leave behind, along with the whole childish, faux-naive, too-cool-for-school mindset of Etsy that's been both infuriating and at times downright unprofessional. No, I won't miss it, though I will miss the 200+ people who had favourited - oh, all right, hearted - my store and could all have been potential future customers. Whether any make it over to my new store or not, I don't know. If Dawanda should ever gets squeamish about nude artwork, I will certainly close up shop there without a second thought and take it all to jonnagl.com - but hopefully I'll never have to take such a step. One expects better from Europe, but then I'd also expected better from Etsy, which started so well and went to hell. Good riddance to prudish rubbish.

PS: Their emails to me stated at the bottom that "This email is a private conversation between you and Etsy. Please respect this confidentiality and refrain from distributing this communication without permission from Etsy." Normally I would respect such a statement, but a) I wanted others to see exactly how they communicated (ie poorly) and b) if you're going to treat my artwork with disrespect, expect to be treated the same in return.

Further Adventures In International Currency

Over the last few months I've been slowly transferring artwork on sale from Etsy to DaWanda, having got progressively more hacked off with the former. Advantages with Dawanda are that a) everything's priced in Euros rather than the infuriatingly limp US$, b) there are no listing fees, so it's basically free until you actually sell something, at which point there's a fair commission of 5%, c) the interface and design is that bit more advanced, straightforward and useful than Etsy and d) the Eurocentric nature of it (based in Germany, available in English, German and French) opens up a new customer base. Downsides? That customer base thus far appears to be smaller than that at Etsy, and while the Euro pricing is a step up, a UK£ option would be far preferable. I've now got twenty items on sale at DaWanda, shipping included in all prices - most of the pieces you'll have seen, but do have a look just in case. Nothing's sold yet, but it's early days and thanks to the free listing there really is nothing to lose.

All the same, I haven't completely given up on the other side of the Atlantic, so my current plan is to list new works on Etsy for three months then, assuming they haven't sold (and if the last quarter is anything to go by they won't) listing them on DaWanda. There's about two hundred Etsy users who've got me 'hearted' (sigh... hard to believe that site was designed by adults sometimes) and if just a few of them keep an eye on new works produced by said heartees then that's a few potential buyers right there. Worth a gamble of 20 cents but I'm not getting into this ludicrous 'relisting' system that no doubt makes a sizeable proportion of Etsy's profits, encouraging people to relist an item numerous times a day just to stay visible on the front page for more than a few brief seconds. Sod that.

So, the first new piece this year went up today, and a lovely little painting it is too. Called Skye Blue Sky (2008), it's a smaller version of this painting from last year and based on this 2006 sketch drawn on Skye. Judge not by its size though - this little bugger took weeks and weeks to get right, since the scale of the piece meant I couldn't use the texture and blending for the clouds that worked on the original. Instead, I used quite a few layers of oil paint to build up a nice thick texture that contrasts nicely with the shiny sky, achieved using linseed oil and a long drying period. Finally completed to my satisfaction, it's now perched nicely on one of the shelves in the living room. Being wee (5" x 4" x 1.5") it doesn't have to be hung on a wall and could instead brighten up someone's office cubicle or even perched on top of a monitor. The perfect window substitute!

I Can Has Expressionism?

Not been much in the way of artwork on this here website since December has there? Come to think of it, there's been zilch since then. Dearie me. Still, although I haven't resumed life drawing sessions - I'm still hoping for a pay-as-you-go one turning up somewhere, or possibly giving Dr Sketchy's a shot sometime if it's not full of wankers - I've not been completely inactive. While the last three months have all been too blasted cold for any outside drawing (ruling out the zoo, the farm or the garden), I've been looking back over my old sketchbooks and photos for some kind of inspiration. As well as revisiting - well, restarting - a couple of unfinished oil paintings from 2006, I've also been working on a couple of small oils based on Orkney watercolour sketches (with limited success - what works with watercolour doesn't always pay off in oils), a little painting of an orange flower that comes with its own diddy easel to sit on and a smaller version of this painting from last year. Mind you, being a busy servant of Her Majesty's Government can often leave a fellow quite exhausted when the weekends come around, hence the lack of any finished work after three months - hopefully there should be a couple of finished pieces to show in the next fortnight.

Anyways, thanks to bank holidays either side of this weekend, I've been off work today and used the time and good strong daylight to put some hours into the pending paintings. Having done so and left them to dry around the increasingly painting-packed study, I also decided to start two new pieces. One will be a still-life of a sheep skull that I photographed back in Orkney and should make quite a nice stark image. The other is something I've wanted to paint for over a year now - a portrait painting of Moby, a moggy who I grew up with, lives with Mum back in Northants and is almost 18 years old now. I painted her late sister's portrait from a photo back in 2006 and it's still one of my favourite paintings since I started working with oils, so I wanted to be sure that a companion piece would look just as good. Ideas have rattled about in my head for a suitable pose/angle/look for Moby since I finished Clod's painting and, almost two years later, I've sussed out which image to tie the portrait to - this one. While it'd be easy to paint her portrait looking wide-eyed and alert, as she often is, I prefer to show her more relaxed, at ease, with just the slightest hint of the feral behind the domesticity. I used an already-used box canvas (I've run out of blank square ones, and this only contained a 'test' painting for a larger piece) and roughly knocked out the composition of the painting, filling in key areas with colour just to get a feel for it. You can see the result below - I particularly like the thought of using a lot of reds, oranges and browns, contrasting nicely with the shining green of her eyes, while the bottom-left and -right corners look empty right now but will eventually have Moby's wild whiskers filling them. It's a 'closer' portrait than Clod's, but I think that's all the more suitable for the lower light, warmer colours and making sure the eyes get the attention they deserve. There's a whopping amount of work to be done on this but, day-job workload notwithstanding, I'm hoping to finish in the next month or so. After that, who knows - maybe Free Cat is up for modeling...

Christmas Goes To The Dog

Ho-diddly-ho blogarinos!  Hope you're all having a perfectly splendid festive time or at least generally contented with your lot in the world.  As custom befits I am now feeling quite plump following yesterday's feasting, a tad dozy yet still riding the wave of a seven-day sugar rush.  'Twas a typically nice christmas here at the latest Castle Von Naggle, with some glorious vegetables and roast tatties cooked by the Lass and the meaty goodies done by myself.  Inspired by this animation from Weebl, I eschewed all other animals for a piggy special, with bacon, sausagemeat and pork chops from Puddledub Pork and chipolatas from Ballencrieff Rare Pedigree Pigs, all bought at the Edinburgh Farmers Market earlier this month.  Following a recipe from Nigel Slater's Real Cooking I made pork chops & chicory for the main course, pan cooked in white wine with fennel seeds.  It was a doddle to cook in just 30 minutes - goodness knows what Julian Barnes was moaning about - and tasted really good and fresh, the wine sauce taking the place of gravy.

Wonders a-plenty were given and received by the roaring fire and I was particularly jammy to get a My Neighbour Totoro matchbox music box from the Lass, a lovely little piece of work containing two soot spirits and a music box playing the sweetest little melody that, while not being the main theme from Totoro, certainly sounds very Hisaishi-ish and evocative of that most wonderful of films.  Other goodies from the Burd included Varmints, a gorgeous illustrated book ostensibly for kids (you can see some of the artwork here, and if there's not a part two forthcoming by this time next year I'll be storming the offices of Templar Publishing with flaming torches and raging bunnies) and some of my favourite after shave (if only it was spelt h-less).  Cheers sweetheart!

Anyways, one of the gifts I gave was a painting by muggins here for my Mum and, since it turned out well, I can now cheerfully chirrup about it online.  It's an oil painting of Mum's dog Sasha, based on this photo I took of her earlier this year during a game of frisbee which Sasha enjoys with the kind of enthusiasm that comes in capital letters and multiple exclamation marks.  As with my painting of Clod last year, I was more interested in capturing the character and personality of the animal rather than make a photo-real portrait, and I'm pleased to say that I reckon I got it just right.  As with previous paintings, I've included some in-process pictures of the piece just to show how it evolved from the original charcoal drawing on canvas to the finished artwork.

1. Sasha - In Progress (1), 2. Sasha - In Progress (2), 3. Sasha - In Progress (3), 4. Sasha - In Progress (4), 5. Sasha - In Progress (5), 6. Sasha - In Progress (6), 7. Sasha - In Progress (7), 8. Sasha - In Progress (8), 9. Sasha - In Progress (9) 10. Sasha, 2007

Mum was certainly chuffed with the finished piece and it's firmed up my plans to spend much more time next year working on animal artwork.  I'd like to try more animal portraits for commissions, so if any animal owners out there have ever fancied a painting of their pet, have a look at the finished piece below and see what you think.  If nothing else, I'll be getting a year's membership at Edinburgh Zoo in the near future which will allow me to pop in as often as I like.  If I finish 2008 with a few paintings of big cats, gorillas and penguins, I'll be a very happy man.

This Could Be You!

Less ranting, more painting - so here's one. A few months ago I was commissioned via the Emporium to produce an oil painting for a client. Similar to the portrait commission from last year, this had the added complications of being in colour and a full body nude rather than portrait, working from a number of source photographs. It's taken a fair few months to produce, mainly because the dark red background was painted using linseed oil mixed with paint, giving a smoother and shiny appearance that took literally months to dry. The body, by contrast, was painted using paint and a thickening medium, giving it an altogether more textured look. I finally completed the painting a couple of weeks back and the client seems very happy indeed with the finished piece, though it'll take another month or so before the paint is definitely dry enough to be despatched safely. It looks grand, and the colours are fresher and more effective than the photo's below suggest. So, if you've ever desired a painting of yourself in the buff, you now know who to turn to. Me!

1. Painting of a Male Nude (1), 2. Painting of a Male Nude (2), 3. Painting of a Male Nude (3), 4. Painting of a Male Nude (4), 5. Painting of a Male Nude (5), 6. Painting of a Male Nude (6), 7. Painting of a Male Nude (7), 8. Painting of a Male Nude (8), 9. Painting of a Male Nude (9), 10. Painting of a Male Nude (Complete)

Word to the Wise

The annual Emporium price-rise is about to take place, what with inflation, currency fluctuations and high cost of paint to consider (and, oh, it's high!).  All prices will rise tomorrow, so if you've had your eye on any of the artwork I've currently got for sale, or are looking for a nice piece of original art to give to your nearest & dearest next month, the next 24 hours would be the savviest time to buy.  To brighten this otherwise dull post, here's a cat:

moar funny pictures

No Nudes = Good News?

Textured Study in Chinagraph, November 2007, $60

Hmmm.  Hmmmmm.  Hmmmmm.  There's an awful lot of pondering going on inside the Nagl cranium right now following Saturday's life drawing session.  It wasn't a particularly successful one, with two so-so's and one alright (see above), a much lower hit rate than I expect to be achieving these days.  For much of the session I didn't feel relaxed there, seemingly exacerbated by overhearing a wide range of pretentious chatter from the others at the class during the breaks.  Imagine, pretentiousness in an art college!  Aye, not particularly surprising, but for some reason it seems to be grating more and more - maybe I'm just becoming increasingly intolerant with every day.  Pretentious bullshit's never sat well with me - something which I still believe directly led to me not being accepted on the NFTS Animation MA six years back (what, me, bitter?  Still?  Sir, the very idea!).  Thankfully the classical animation courses I took in Bournemouth and Dublin were mercifully low in any conceptual guff (and reassuringly high in fucking hard work), but had I ended up taking a Fine Art degree instead... it just doesn't bear thinking about.  As a result I find myself feeling more frustrated and disconnected than I ever did at the Glasgow sessions, that feeling inevitably getting in the way when I'm trying to make a decent drawing.

But it's not just les autres.  The biggest distraction is muggins here.  I'm becoming more and more aware of viewing every drawing as a potential sale - judging each picture by how much I could realistically charge for it, if anything - and thinking this while I'm in the actual process of drawing.  I can't stress how unsettling this is.  I'm used to having quality control kick into action the moment the first marks get made on a sheet/canvas, every artist does, but this is an altogether more mercenary way of thinking and I don't like it.  It's telling that the clouds only lifted for me on Saturday after I'd done an ink drawing I thought could be sold (though, in retrospect, it's not good enough after all).  This seems wrong, really wrong.  I should be drawing and painting because it makes me happy, not because it could pay for a new Wii game or the week's grocery shopping, yet that's the mindset that seems to be creeping around my noggin during these drawing sessions.

Ironically, of sorts, this is happening at a point when I haven't sold any pieces for over six weeks after a few months of regular sales.  There's 60 pieces currently up on my Etsy site and 38 of those are nudes from life drawing.  By comparison, there's only 2 animal pieces, 2 still-lifes and 5 landscapes.  So here's what I'm thinking - maybe I need another break from the life sessions (this after saying in September that "I missed it far too much and won't go skipping any more terms").  Whether it's the venue, the other artists or the sales (and lack of) that's making my Saturday afternoon's a downer, it's daft to be shelling out a hundred quid a term for four hours of frowny frustration.  There's still four more pre-paid sessions to go this year, all of which I'll go to and see how it feels.  Unless my daft noggin can sort itself out, I reckon it'll be time for more solitary, unstructured drawing, whether it be still-lifes (which I really should be doing on a monthly basis at least, yet haven't done one all year), using all those Skye/Orkney sketches as a basis for some detailed landscape painting or getting a season ticket for Edinburgh Zoo and spending a couple of hours every Saturday sketching the beasties there.  I wonder if I've pretty much plateaued in terms of life drawing, and need to improve with other subjects before returning back to the human bod in the future.  And, from a cold business view, I'm more likely to sell a good landscape or animal sketch than a life drawing.  There's plenty of nudity already in the Emporium, surely it makes more sense to add some variety to what's on sale?

Three self-reflective paragraphs later, I'm still not sure.  I wonder if this is just an over-reaction to a bad session, and if next week will see me skipping home giddily having had a great session with a fine piece of work to show for it, or if I've let myself get lazy, falling into a life drawing rut with one eye on the artwork and another on the piggy bank.  On the one hand I can remember how frustrated I felt during the middle of this year when I wasn't doing any sessions (though, to be fair, those months living above a noisy mid-life-crisising fuckwit would've frustrated Buddha).  On the other I feel that the weekends are the only time I get to focus on artwork (especially during these months when the sun only hangs around for a few hours and decent daylight becomes hard to find) and if I'm not going to be a one-trick artist I should use that time to produce pictures free of dangly bits.

So, like I says, hmmmmm.