Well, that was odd.
So there I am, waiting at a bus stop in Tollcross an hour ago, heading home after stopping off in town to get the usual saucy hit from my dealer, listening to Fuck Buttons' new album (stompingly good it is too) at a respectfully low volume. Three people in the queue - lady in (at a guess) her late 30's, old bloke around late 60's, me. Old bloke looks at me, moves forward and gestures in a neutral way that suggests conversation.
I pop the headphones out. "Yes sir?" (respectful as always)
Waves a pointy finger in the general direction of my head. "What's that in your ears? What are you listening to?"
Quickly realise that naming the band in question would be a bad idea - "Uh, music."
Eyes get wider. "What are you doing that for? Take them out!"
"Um, I'm just listening to some music, I've had a long day at work"
Turns away disgusted. One minute later, turns around. "Why've you got those things in your ears? What are you listening to?"
"Music. Just some music"
A minute passes. Out of nowhere, he says: "Alright, keep calm, keep calm!"
Befuddled at what prompted this: "I am calm."
Looks increasingly exasperated. "Why are... why are you listening to music? Fuckin' pathetic!"
My eyebrows hit the ceiling. "I like listening to music, I've been in an office for ten hours, I think I've earned this."
He's hooked on the fuckin' pathetic meme now and jabs pointy-pointy in the direction of my right headphone. "Listening to music. Why are... och, that's fuckin' pathetic that is. Fuckin' pathetic.
(Let's be super clear here, this wasn't from having the music blaring out from the headphones - the volume was low, and even if it had been at top whack the traffic noise rumbling past would've drowned it out.)
I shrug, figure this isn't going anywhere, pop my headphones back in. This increases his frustration and I can hear him over the bleepy scronk I'm listening to. "That's just... och, fuckin' pathetic. Fuckin' pathetic" Keeps staring at me. I ignore him.
Receiving no further response from me, he turns to the lady, points in my general direction. "Y'see that... listening to music... fuckin' pathetic that" clearly expecting agreement. This is not what he gets.
"No it's not, he's just listening to some music and you're picking on him, he's not hurting anyone and you're swearing like that... I don't mind him listening to his music but I do mind you swearing like that."
Oh crumbs. "Wuh... It's... listening to music..."
"He's just listening to music, stop being rude." Thanks lady! I'm still listening to my music to show I will not be stopped by this oppression.
Man to the lady: "Are you from 'round here?"
What? "What? From Edinburgh? Yes I am from Edinburgh, and if you're not you should go back from where you came."
Oh lawd. Still no bus. It's only 20 minutes walk. And as my very presence appears to be causing intergenerational social collapse on the streets of the capital, I turn on my heels and stride away, imagining that in some bizarre way maybe this looks like I've been victorious, rather than driven away from a bus stop by the hassle of a sweary old geezer. I wasn't upset by it or anything, it was just annoying in a bizarre, 'is this actually happening' sort of way.
So away I stride. Look at me, world, I think, I'm walking! I'm healthy! And I'm listening to music! Considering the time that passed before the bus I was waiting for finally overtook me, leaving was the best move, but in retrospect I would love to know how things turned out, to have thanked the lady for sticking up for me, and delivered some of the witty, cutting remarks that only came to mind five minutes after I'd walked away. And maybe tell him exactly what I was listening to.
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